Can You Forgive My Sins
by BionicShieldTwins
Summary: Seth has been abusing himself, hurting himself, since the Shield has disbanded and he can't take it anymore, knowing Dean and Roman hate him still. But does he have the strength to succeed in making them see his side of the real story or will he be heartbroken and hate himself forever for what he did?
1. Chapter 1

Burning and aching as Seth used the Christmas present Roman had given him, knowing he'd need it eventually. A pocket knife that was now covered in blood until he got strength to clean it off and put it away. There was a new scar on his arms whenever he wanted to go back to his old life. But he never could, his old life was like a house that was only rubble from a bomb going off from inside it because of him. But he still had feelings and they wouldn't go away. They were ever present as he lived day to day, empty and hollow, an obedient dog to the Authority and yet he cried to sleep every night. He'd betrayed his family, his friends, his lovers. For what, a contract? What was to say that Hunter wouldn't fire him if he failed to cash in the contract and emerge victorious as the champion. What if he betrayed them for nothing? If his life was over because he lost his lovers, his only two friends in the world? What would happen if he ended his life? Would anyone care or would they continue on with their day? What if his heart never stopped hurting, aching for Dean and Roman? If he wasn't Dean and Roman's lover, then what was he? Who was Seth Colby Rollins if he wasn't standing by Dean and Roman's sides like the perfect little cheerleader he loved to be for them? What would happen if he killed himself because he couldn't stop hurting himself over losing a relationship that was safe and secure for him like his with Roman and Dean? What if he had no reason to live anymore? Seth broke down into tears, throwing the pocket knife across the bathroom and buried his head in his knees, silent sobs racking his body as he had a minor panic attack out of stress. He wished he knew what to do so Roman and Dean would know he was trying to apologize before it was too late.


	2. Chapter 2

The next week on Raw, Seth went straight to Hunter. He stood there as Hunter inspected how many scars were on his arm.

"Only four more marks. Huh, Seth?" Hunter asked, letting Seth have his arm back.

"I don't want to be a part of the Authority anymore." Seth said, his head bowed, eyes closed, and fists clenched so he could say it as loud as he could, which was a normal speaking voice level.

"Seth, you know that you can't leave the Authority. You're our little pet now, Seth. And don't even think of contacting you old 'buddies.' They won't help you." Hunter said.

"You don't know anything about Dean and Roman!" Seth snapped in anger.

"Actually, I don't think you know anything about them, Seth." Hunter said.

"I know them more than you do!" Seth snapped.

"Do you really, Seth? Because they said you betrayed them because you're a cocky little bitch last week." Hunter asked.

"They would never say that about me, they trust me." Seth said.

"You betrayed them, Seth! You don't know what they'll do, admit it!" Hunter snapped.

"I don't need to know them because I still love them and you won't let me have my boyfriends back!" Seth snapped.

"See, that's not true. I'm keeping you from bad influences!" Hunter snapped.

"My boyfriends aren't bad influences, they're what makes my life meaningful. They keep me from killing myself." Seth said, stalking off and going to his own private locker room, crying as he curled up against the corner, head buried in his knees as he tried to stop his crying. But it was ineffective, the sobs and cries escaped his lungs like the torture that his heart was going through coming out to show finally. He heard the door click and looked up, face stained with tears and his eyes pink and puffy. He was looking through a kaleidoscope of his own tears, but he could vividly see Roman's face near his own as he blinked away the saltwater from his eyes.

"Did you mean it?" Roman asked stonely.

"What?" Seth asked.

"Did you mean what you said about still loving me and Dean?" Roman asked again.

"Yeah, I miss you guys." Seth whispered, years coming to his eyes when Roman stood up and moved away from him. "No, please don't leave!" Seth cried out quickly, grabbing Roman's wrist. "Please stay, Romie. I need you." Seth whispered. Roman got back down, taking Seth in his arms as the younger man started crying again. But Seth gripped Roman's gear and Roman pet his hair, trying to calm him down, to make Seth's heartbreak go away while his own healed every second more he held Seth in his arms. He had his heart back, or at least half of it and he was happy for that. Dean still loved him, Roman knew that and now he knew Seth still loved him too. Their family was broken, but it could be healed now that Seth was back. "Roman?" Seth asked, sniffling.

"Yeah, baby? What's wrong?" Roman asked, hand holding Seth's face.

"Does Dean still hate me? Do you know?" Seth said. Roman thought for a moment.

"Well, we'll see in a day or two. If Dean still loves the both of us, he'll be on the first plane to come and see us." Roman said.


	3. Chapter 3

Friday came fast with no sign of Dean. Roman had even mailed out an envelope with a ticket to the city they were in to Dean's home Cincinnati on Tuesday to make sure he could get there. But nothing came to either of them, not even a text message to assure them that he had gotten the ticket. That is, until a knock on the door came at 5 pm, a couple of hours before Smackdown. Seth's head popped up from where it rested against Roman's shoulder as they watched all of their matches together. Roman got up to see who it was and opened the door to find the blonde 28 year old man he knew and loved. Seth got up and went to see who it was too, giving a gasp and latched his arms around Dean's neck with a sob.

"Dean, I missed you." Seth whispered, hugging him tight.

"I missed you too, Sethie." Dean said, putting his arms around Seth's waist and hugging him back. Their family was whole, no matter for how long it was, they were happy.


End file.
